The store of Delivering Will

When I was pregnant I was obsessed with birth stories. I read books and books on people's birth stories because I loved them so much. And now I have my very own! I still can't quite believe it. I thought that after having gone through labor and delivery I would understand more of what happens but no. I still don't know how it happens. Anyway, here's my story...

4 weeks ago today (Monday, July 7th) I entered the hospital to get induced. But let's back up for a moment. Before getting to my 40 week mark I was all about experiencing labor. So much so that I had a dream that I had woken up in the hospital and already had my baby and slept through all the labor and excitement and I was distraught. I just felt like this is a part of living that I wanted to experience. Call me crazy, (Jason did), but that's what I wanted. Therefore I really, REALLY, did not want to get induced, it seemed really anti-climatic to me to just waltz into the hospital and have a baby. I guess I dealt with that by assuming that little Will would come early and I wouldn't get to that point that I'd have to be induced. As my due date got closer my doctor decided to set a date for induction, Monday, July 7th, 5 days after I was supposed to give birth (by her calendar, she only would let me go over by a week.) I didn't think to push back on it because he was going to come by July 6th, (my own due date) so it wasn't something to worry about. Ha. 

So  I got to my 39th week and mom flew in. I was so glad that Will had waited to come till she got her because I knew she would help me stay calm when labor started and Jason and I would have someone to take care of us when we got home. Well the days came and went and nothing happened. Mom kept me busy with finishing the last minute touches and then we tried everything we could think to make labor start, which mostly included going on really long walks and doing some jumping jacks, massaging accupressure points, all that good stuff. Here's what we did:

Playing Cornhole after eating at Low Down Oven and Bar the Thursday before I delivered aka best burger place in Charleston

Visiting Angel Oak Tree, one of the largest trees that exists here, it feels like you walk into a fairy land

Don't let the picture below fool you, this picture is accurate to what I felt...yes I'll pretend to smile but I really am just done being pregnant right now...

The Saturday before I delivered we went to Fort Moultrie and honestly I can't remember much about the fort but we found a beach and I enjoyed that. 

And this is me the Sunday before I delivered.

This waiting part was my emotional and mental challenge, something I wasn't prepared for. Each day that I woke up and wasn't in labor I was distraught. One morning I woke up at 4am just crying because I wasn't having contractions. I really didn't want to be induced! I thought about pushing the doctor back two days but by the time Sunday came I was so emotionally drained that I knew if I pushed the doctor back by two days and nothing started I wouldn't be able to handle labor. So I decided I would go ahead with the doctor's plan. So at 1:00pm on Monday July 7th I was started on Pitocin. That made contractions stronger but certainly nothing I couldn't handle. It really just felt like really bad indigestion pains which was I've been so used to in my life so no big deal, I've got this I thought. The nurses would come in and just say they weren't doing their job because I wasn't in pain. So Jason and played Super Mario Brothers waiting for something to happen. 

At 8:00pm the doctor came in and told me that they wanted to break my waters. I was so hesitant to do that because if contractions didn't start the only thing to do was from there was a C-section. The doctor pushed me on it and assured me that they would start so after a prayer and a blessing I had the doctor break my waters which is when things really got started. Right after this I dilated from a 4 to a 5. About a half hour in to the contractions and I could no longer talk.  I was so curious what contractions were like before they started and now that I've had them the best way I can describe them is the pain of menstrual cramps combined with the feeling that you have to have the biggest bowel movement of your life and then add to that the feeling like you're going to explode from the inside. That's about how they felt. Now imagine feeling that pain and not fighting it, just letting it happen and even trying to relax through it. Yeah, I found out why people get Epidurals. I however was determined to have the experience. So my mom and Jason were my team. Mom would sit behind me and tell me how to relax and Jason had tennis balls that he would dig into my hips every time a contraction came. Props to them, they were on their feet for 7+ hours without food and hardly having any time to go to the bathroom. I started out on my hands and knees and eventually I moved to the bed and laid on my side. Laying down was nice because I could fully relax to the point that I pretty much lost consciousness in-between the contractions but that lasted for seconds. During this time I had absolutely no concept of time or what was happening around me. I couldn't talk because the just took too much energy and I could barely chew on the ice chips. At one point, now looking back this was probably the transition point but I had no idea, I yelled out that I wanted an epidural. Jason, the sweetheart that he was did what I asked and told me that I should wait an hour but at that moment that wasn't going to work for me. I told him I didn't care and that I wanted one.   They all jumped in and told me that it wasn't going to be immediate which I knew and I was totally fine with I just was done. But then my angel of a nurse came over and told me that she thought I was farther than I thought I was and she thought I could do it. I asked her "are you sure?" and she said yes so I kept going. Besides that moment ironically one of the most painful things was when they put a catheter in me for a minute to empty my bladder. It wasn't long after that that I wanted to lay on my back and create more room for my pelvis to open up. At that point the nurse, Carla, checked me and told me I was almost fully dilated, that there was just a lip of my cervix left so after a couple of contractions she stretched me and I was fully dilated and ready to push. You'd think that once you get to this point the baby would kind of just slip out. I had no idea how exhausting this part would be. I still can't decide if pushing was the best or the worst part. It was awesome because instead of trying to relax I could actually do something during the contractions. It was horrible because it took everything. What happened is that every time I had a contraction I would take a deep breath and then pull myself up either by my knees or hand rails on the bed and push. I did that three times with each contraction. I did that for two hours and with only a minute between each contraction that was a lot. Eventually the nurse wadded up a sheet and we played tug of war during every contraction and that was my favorite because I could actually pull myself up. Eventually Jason stood on the other end of the "rope" and just to give you an idea of how hard I was pulling, Jason had his feet planted firmly and he had to brace himself against the bed with one hand while holding the rope with the other. By the end (probably more like an hour into it, like I said, no concept of time at this point) I was convinced I would never have this baby. I kept asking everyone if they were sure the baby was coming down. My legs were cramping, my arms were sore, my mouth was so dry but I couldn't chew on ice chips because I didn't have any energy to chew, and eventually the nurse had me put an oxygen mask in-between because my baby's heart rate would drop in between. Finally the doctor came in and I finally felt like this was the end. She had me reach down to feel his head but I was so done that I knew that should be so amazing but I just wanted him out. After a half hour of pushing with the head right at the opening, the doctor said she could make a tiny cut and then he would come out so she did and with the next push he came out! 

The nurse handed him to me and he was put on my chest. I remember people saying how beautiful he was and I remember looking at him and he was all purple and covered in goo and I thought "are you serious? How can you even tell?" But then they put him on my chest and he just stared and stared, no crying, it was amazing. Then they took him in the little bed right next to me and took his measurements and everything and Jason changed his first diaper. I was so exhausted at this point. Many people say that when that baby is first put on your chest it's the most amazing feeling. For me my thought was "I don't know if I'm ever going to do that again. And if I do I think I'll get an epidural." My greets joy at that moment came from watching the amazement and love that was on Jason's face. He was so happy and in awe. That was my favorite.

Because of all the adrenalin running through me I was shaking and the doctor was stitching me up. I remember just wanting to push the placenta out and for it to be over. It felt like forever when finally I was stitched up, the placenta was out, and they brought Will back on my chest. It was at that point that I could finally relax and stop shaking. And at that point I was able to enjoy Will. Still though I couldn't decide if I wanted to sleep or drink more. Sleeping eventually won out. That was until the nurse told me that they had to put a catheter in me if I didn't go to the bathroom within six hours. Then I started drinking everything I could get my hands on because I had no desire to repeat that experience. Overall it was an amazing experience. That first day I just kept staring at my baby wondering how he was inside of me. I thought once I had a baby I'd understand pregnancy and birth more but I'm going to be just as amazed the next time it happens as I was with this one. I also couldn't stop talking about the experience. I was so proud of myself for doing it without an epidural. I honestly couldn't believe I had that in me. When they wheeled me to the room upstairs that we would stay in for the next day I felt like people should clap as I was wheeled by for what I had just done (totally prideful of me, I know). 

After birth was all over and I was waiting for Will to be weighed

Jason putting on the first diaper!

Here he is!

And here's my boys!

It really was a surreal experience. Honestly though what I did learn is that whether you have an epidural or not you're still going to get the experience of child birth. I had a newfound respect for every mother. No matter what you do to dull the pain you still have to do the pushing and you still have the recovery the week after. You can't walk because of the stitches and you're sore from head to toe from pushing. Your tail bone is bruised and you don't get any time to sleep and recover, and you have the hormones that come when your milk comes. And the transition from being you to being a mother is a huge change and you just want time to stop so you can comprehend it all before your baby grows up. It's the hardest thing I've ever done but I'm quickly learning how rewarding it can be!