What is that thing called love?

I think I caught a little teeny tiny glimpse of what love might be (or at least to care for someone so much that you put their needs above yours). Unfortunately for me it looks like baggy sweats, an oversized t-shirt, puffy eyes, and a red face but hey, at least it exists. Apparently it doesn't matter how well I play the game, I still lose.

"Buon Natale"

Christmas has to be my favorite day of the year, after all it is the meaning of my name :). This Christmas I got exactly what I needed. No I didn't get a job, car, boyfriend, or some direction for life like I might have wanted. But I did get a day to recharge, a new faith in Christ, and a belief in myself. I don't know what's going to happen in the future but after today my future looks bright. That's the most I could ask for.

Dear Santa

The other day the weirdest thing happened to me. I'm grown up, graduated college and I've known since I was 12 the true story behind the magical man we call Santa. So why then, when I ran into Santa at the Roadhome the other day, did I have a HUGE desire to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what was going on in my life and tell him what I truly wanted for Christmas? It was as if somewhere inside of me I still believed that he could bring me comfort and tell me that he will do his best to bring me what I want. As I walked away with the Guardian Angel coin he had left me (yes it is still in my pocket) I asked myself where in the heck did that come from? And then I started to question why my faith in Christ is not that strong. When did I loose the childish faith that I believed Christ had the power to do everything and that I could ask for anything and somehow he would make my life okay. It's not that I've lost faith by any means. I still know that he's there and he's helped me more than I would ever dare ask for. But that's the problem isn't it? When Santa came you asked for everything. You always understood that you might not get everything but it never stopped you from asking and the next year you still believed and asked again. But I think when I pray I forget to ask. Most of all I don't believe. I think there's a multitude of things I have to do and that I won't receive the answer right away because that's what everyone tells me. Well this Christmas I want to believe. I want to imagine that somehow I can sit on his lap and tell him how this year has gone and everything I want for Christmas and then know that if I leave my hope in him I won't be disappointed (Isaiah 49:23).

Jane

Today Jen, one of my good friends from Cambridge, tagged me in a picture on Facebook as Jane. This is what she wrote as to why: "Natalie. This one seems so obvious--in a very hidden way. Natalie is the picture of kindness and intelligence. She's got great spunk and a wonderful smile to go along with it. Plus, she's adventurous and brave." I love you Jen, this made my day. I needed someway to remember it, hence the blog post :)

The Best Year Ever!

Let's have a look at this year shall we? I lived in Washington D.C., England, Home, and Provo. I lived outside of Utah just as much as I lived in Utah. I had a dream internship with the Smithsonian Associates, I took classes at Cambridge University, I lived in the city and in a castle. One of the best parts is I met about 50 new friends. Of course there were the off times too...my grandma passed away, I had friends get married (including my sister) and go on missions which is happy but sad for me, I had to learn to let go and how to say no and most of all I had to learn what faith is and how to connect my faith and reason which is not easy. And now to top of the year I graduated! My life as I have known it is now over. Yes, I'm ready for the new step but it's scary. My life has turned out better than I could ever imagine and I can only hope it continues. What will 2011 bring for me? I have no idea but I dare it to be better than this year :)

Thought of You

My roommate shared this video with me that her teacher did and I love this. I have watched it multiple times and I can't get over it. I have definitely felt like both people in this video, lately I felt like I've been the one chasing the flighty guys, however there's only so much that you can take. Eventually I'm the one running when anyone gets close and i'm not sure why. Maybe it's my inability to trust anyone including myself when it comes to letting people in. Anyway I hope you enjoy it! It is beautifully done and a wonderful work of art.

Remember When

Remember when I used to be a good student, good enough to go to Cambridge? Yeah well I don't. I'm pretty sure that was a fluke. I just turned in a 20 page paper which should be an accomplishment yet I don't feel really good about it at all. In fact looking back I don't think I've done anything school work wise this semester that I'm particularly proud of and I've spent triple the time doing school work then I usually do. Great. This is exactly how I wanted to feel when I graduated school (not).

*Sorry, I noticed that I only post when I'm frustrated, I promise my life is really good and I'll try harder to be more positive in the future