30 weeks!

So can you believe I'm already 30 weeks along or 7 1/2 months?  I feel like it's gone by so fast, so fast in fact that I'm starting to panic because I don't have really anything ready for the baby (really it's because I'm actually going to have a baby). Conversations usually go, "so do you have the baby's room all ready?!" nope haven't even really started (besides he's going to get more like a corner), no I don't have a color scheme, no I don't have a theme and no I really haven't bought anything for the baby. And yes, I know that's crazy, and yes I know I need to sometimes said between a frozen smile and clenched teeth. Inside I'm thinking, do you know how big of a life change this is? It's huge and buying stuff just forces me to confront it so I just choose not to :) I know so healthy. What can I say though? Pregnancy is a roller coaster and I feel like going from Christmas is coming to the end of the world as we (Jason and I) know it.

I will say though the pregnancy itself always continues to be a fun adventure. I'm continually fascinated by my daily changing body. The other night I woke up and the baby was apparently underneath my ribs, I adjusted myself and it hurt so I brilliantly thought I would sit up. Well as soon as I used my muscles to sit up I regretted my decision. I sat up in bed panting waiting for the pain to go away. Jason wakes up and asks me what's wrong and I say "I feel like I got stabbed with a knife!" and he says "oh no, it's not that bad." Ha as if he knew how bad it hurt but then like I know what it's like to be stabbed with a knife. We had a good laugh about it the next morning. If there's one thing I've learned throughout my pregnancy it's that you just laugh and go along with what happens.

On how everything is awesome

You know how you imagine different phases/moments of your life, what you'll be doing, how you'll feel, how the whole world will be right (or in some cases wrong)? A lot of times those moments turn out so much worse than you imagine (like finding out I was pregnant put me into panic instead of happy contentness) AND other times they are exactly how you imagine those moments to be. Life right now is one of those moments. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and guys life is so awesome. I'm not even sure why except that everything you accomplish when you're pregnant becomes a big deal. Like dressing cute, carrying groceries to the car, exercising, sleeping well, cleaning the house, etc. Instead of just being annoyed at boring chores it kind of becomes a "yeah that's right, I did that and I'm 6 months pregnant, booya!" I'm loving the time I have to spend on myself to work out, or resign myself to the couch because I'm hormonal, cook yummy things, and clean and read and organize. I'm also relishing the time Jason and I spend together where it's just the two of us and we still have all our freedom. 

  Besides that the second trimester has been a dream compared to the first and now that I'm entering the third I know that will get hard (I'm already having back pains and leg cramps and big belly problems) but honestly it has to so I will want to push this baby out. 

I guess mainly I'm just feeling so blessed. Also, another thing to be happy about? This package came in the mail the the other day

Words can't even express how perfect this is and how excited I was when I opened it.

And since I haven't posted many pictures of me with a stomach here are a couple....

And It's A.....

BOY!!!

20 weeks!

*warning, this is a more serious post than most, sorry! 20 weeks ago started the crazy journey of my life. I can also say it's been one of the scariest. Beginning pregnancy with bleeding and cramps isn't necessarily a good sign. Not only was I in some pain that I certainly wasn't planning on (nor is it too common) but I was scared of just about everything. Scared of miscarrying, scared of actually having a child and being a parent, and scared of what was happening to my body. It was like all the sudden the body that I had lived with for 20+ years was responding differently to everything and I had no idea how to take care of it. Even after it was pretty certain that I would actually have this baby I still held my breath at the doctor's appointments to hear that heartbeat always fearing the worst. I've learned a lot about what faith and trusting in Heavenly Father means over the past couple of months and how little I actually do that. I've had to work so hard to hand everything over to God and let myself just trust him. I'm certainly not perfect in this but I can say that when I say "thy will be done" is the time that I feel the most solace. Now I think I've finally reached a point where I can truly be excited and let myself be happy about what's happening. I've started to feel little kicks in my stomach that make me so happy no matter what mood I'm in. And I'm already half way through! (pregnancy is 40 weeks) It's gone by really fast. And the best thing? We get to find out what the gender is on Tuesday! I'm so excited I can't wait. Any guesses on what you think it will be?

Dreams

In the last week or so I have had dreams about traveling to London and Hawaii.  When I realized where I was in the dream I couldn't contain my excitement. And now I am extremely restless. I have the travel bug and I want to go somewhere SO bad. I keep coming up with all of these plans and Jason just laughs. We were supposed to go to upstate SC this weekend and go on a hike, go to the temple, and see my sister-in-law. I was hoping that that would help. But thanks to the crazy storm this week and the power outages  up north we are still in Charleston. I think I might have pre-baby jitters and want to do something out of the ordinary. Kind of as a last chance to do some traveling before the baby which I know isn't true. I never had that "do something crazy" desire before I got married so maybe it just waited. Of course on the other hand it could be that I spent two days last week with out a car stuck in the house and this week two days without a car and two days with a "snow" storm stuck in the house again and honestly there's not a whole lot of places to walk to from our house, like no where. I don't know what it is but I just want to travel so bad! So if anyone gets a free plane ticket somewhere let me know, I'm totally game.

 

Like Father Like Daughter

The last few days have been full of adult things like having a car in the shop, thinking about the possibility of needing to buy a new one (which thankfully at the moment doesn't look like that's needed) thinking about life insurance, working, and stress. You know, all of that grown up stuff that makes me wonder why I wanted to grow up in the first place.

So it's times like these when you call your dad and have a conversation about chocolate. Seriously I think we had a 40 minute conversation yesterday on our favorite chocolate deserts and what I could make for an upcoming chocolate night one of my friends is throwing. Because you know what? Even though life is rough for both of you, dad knows that conversations about non- related, happy, and fun topics like chocolate always makes the world better. And by the end of the conversation no questions were asked and no problems were solved but happiness is re-ignited.

Thanks dad for being the person in my life that shares my love of food.

Mail

Received this in the mail today. Best. Stamp. Ever. 

You are the best Camille. Thank you for the biggest smile of our week.