20 weeks!

*warning, this is a more serious post than most, sorry! 20 weeks ago started the crazy journey of my life. I can also say it's been one of the scariest. Beginning pregnancy with bleeding and cramps isn't necessarily a good sign. Not only was I in some pain that I certainly wasn't planning on (nor is it too common) but I was scared of just about everything. Scared of miscarrying, scared of actually having a child and being a parent, and scared of what was happening to my body. It was like all the sudden the body that I had lived with for 20+ years was responding differently to everything and I had no idea how to take care of it. Even after it was pretty certain that I would actually have this baby I still held my breath at the doctor's appointments to hear that heartbeat always fearing the worst. I've learned a lot about what faith and trusting in Heavenly Father means over the past couple of months and how little I actually do that. I've had to work so hard to hand everything over to God and let myself just trust him. I'm certainly not perfect in this but I can say that when I say "thy will be done" is the time that I feel the most solace. Now I think I've finally reached a point where I can truly be excited and let myself be happy about what's happening. I've started to feel little kicks in my stomach that make me so happy no matter what mood I'm in. And I'm already half way through! (pregnancy is 40 weeks) It's gone by really fast. And the best thing? We get to find out what the gender is on Tuesday! I'm so excited I can't wait. Any guesses on what you think it will be?